Incorrect Goods

Stan and his malnourished minions pick and pack hundreds of items every day (so have some compassion you heartless swine!) and occasionally, very occasionally, our usually perfect (nay indefectible) system goes a teensy weensy bit wrong (it could be the scrumpy). No problem. Let us know that we have made a picking and packing mistake (oh the shame, the shame) within 7 days of receipt of your consignment and (after brutally punishing the errant), we'll have Del Boy collect the incorrect goods and deliver the correct ones.

If in the meantime you’ve decided you don’t want the goods you originally ordered again, we’ll have Del collect the goods from an address of your choosing at no cost to you. All we ask when you call us to arrange for a collection is to have your original Order Reference Number handy so that we can trace your original order details. We also ask that you complete the Returns Form provided explaining the reason for the return.

If you decide to return the goods to us yourself, that is fine. Please enclose the Returns Form and a receipt for your postage and packing costs, but bear in mind that we will only refund you a maximum of £6.00 for these costs.

 Defective Goods (excluding tents) & (spouses)

Stan always aims to please (I'll refrain from comment here). If you wish to return any goods, other than tents, because they were found to be either damaged or defective upon delivery, you must inform us within 7 days of receipt. Del Boy will then collect the damaged/faulty goods from you when he arrives with your replacement.

If in the meantime you’ve decided you don’t want the goods you originally ordered again, we’ll have Del collect the goods from an address of your choosing at no cost to you. All we ask when you call us to arrange for a collection is to have your original Order Reference Number handy so that we can trace your original order details. We also ask that you complete the Returns Form provided explaining the reason for the return.

If you decide to return the goods to us yourself, that is fine. Please enclose the Returns Form and a receipt for your postage and packing costs, but bear in mind that we will only refund you a maximum of £6.00 for these costs.

Unsuitable Goods (excluding tents) & (ex-spouses)

If goods are being returned to us as unsuitable for their intended purpose, you MUST inform us of your intention to return them to us within 7 days of purchase. The cost and method of returning the goods to us must be borne/arranged by the customer and the item must be back with us within 14 days of purchase. If you would like us to perform the collection for you, there will be a charge of £10.00 for this service. Please call us on 0845 130 8982 to make arrangements.

Please note: unsuitable goods must be returned UNUSED, clean, fresh smelling, free from dog hairs, tyre tracks (so if you get run over by a dog in a Range Rover make sure you are in the launderette when it happens) and any other evidence of general misuse (devil worshipping paraphernalia, goats, altars etc). All clothing must have the manufacturers label and swing tickets (you need to be a member of wife-swappers weekly to get these) still attached. Any items returned to us which fail to comply with the above may affect our ability to issue a full refund (and yours to see your next birthday).

Please note that in all instances where goods are returned to us or orders cancelled, we have, by law, 30 days in which to issue a refund to the customer. However, you will be relieved to hear that we always strive to issue refunds as soon as practically possible.

Tent Returns Policy is a complex issue (nearly as bad as deciding which side of the toast to butter). This is because us humans have to interact (that's a good word for it) with the tent in order for it to become something that is of any use to anyone! Unfortunately, humans being a temperamental lot, prone to outbursts of frustration and temper and dare I say, blessed with no little helping of clumsiness, have been known to turn a perfectly good tent into something resembling a crashed Sputnik in a matter of seconds. We have to protect ourselves (and ultimately other customers) from instances where damage has been caused to tents by customers who do not heed the advice and instructions provided within (or those with a pathological hatred of innocent tents). That said, we are absolutely committed (from the bottom of our hearts folks) to work with all customers who experience any problems with their tents (or lovelife) to find a satisfactory solution, within the following framework:

Tent Instructions

Every tent we ship to a customer will come with an information sheet from Outdoor Megastore and instructions from the tent manufacturer. BOTH of these sets of information need to be read (this means you) BEFORE you attempt to erect the tent and adhered to DURING the erection process.

Incorrect Tent

If it is clear that we have been complete bird brains and sent you the wrong tent (or an air to ground missile), do not attempt to unpack or erect it. Let us know that we have made a mistake within 7 days of receipt of your tent and we'll have Del Boy collect the incorrect item (with gritted teeth) and (grudgingly) deliver the correct one. If you no longer want or require the tent (why did you order it in the first place?), don’t worry we’ll just have Del collect it from you from an address that it most convenient to you, at no cost.

Unsuitable Tents

If you feel that you need to unpack and/or erect the tent to see if it will be suitable for your use, this must be performed INDOORS and on clean, smooth surfaces. Pitching it in a field or garden (swamp, bog, desert or dungheap) automatically renders the tent 'used' and as such it cannot be returned to us (unless it is subsequently deemed faulty). Also, under the Health & Safety at Work Act, (as quoted verbatim by comrade Stanski) it is not possible for a retailer or manufacturer to handle returned goods in a dirty condition (god forbid, we might break a fingernail). Your intention to return an unsuitable tent to us must be communicated within 7 days of receipt of your order. The cost of returning an unsuitable tent is purely the responsibility of the customer and must be made within 14 days of receipt of the item. We can arrange collection of the item for you if you wish for a charge of £10.00 – please call 0845 130 8982 to make arrangements. A full refund for the tent will be made only when we have had the opportunity to inspect it thoroughly (we wear a full nuclear protection suit for this onerous task).

Damaged or Faulty Tents

See if you can make any anagrams of Faulty Tents as in the Fawlty Towers genre - the best will win a star prize! The winner will be selected from the best looking girls in the 18-22 age bracket who enter and live nearby and will win a weekend with paramour Stan in a darkened room of his choice.

"Nutty fleas" is our best offering so far!

If upon erection of your tent (following the instructions provided) you feel that the tent is damaged or is in some way faulty, then you must inform us of the nature of the fault/damage within 7 days of receipt of the tent (and please don't shout as we have a very nervous disposition). Initially, with the help of the manufacturer, we will attempt to resolve the fault at a distance i.e. by giving a remedy to the problem over the phone or by e-mail (satellite link or loudhailer) or by sending a replacement part (e.g. a pole section) in the mail. If none of these remedies produce the desired results, then the procedure is for the customer to return the tent (or tent part) to us (enclosing a receipt for shipping costs) for inspection of the fault/problem by our in-house experts and possibly by a manufacturers representative (if they are not at some corporate lunch eating Yak cheese and grape sarnies and swilling Perrier water). If there is a problem with the customer returning the tent (or tent part) to us, we may under certain circumstances arrange for the collection of the item. Until the inspection process is completed we will not be able to issue the customer with a replacement tent (or tent part) or a refund (unless under exceptional circumstances).

If we/the manufacturer is happy that the damage/fault is as a result of a manufacturing problem or defect, we will be happy (we're not really but we have to say it) to release a replacement tent (or tent part) to the customer and/or refund the costs of the tent plus the return shipping costs. Although this sounds like a lengthy process, in reality, it is normally quick and efficient and always produces the desired results.

These conditions do not affect your statutory rights as a consumer.

Returns address: Outdoor Megastore Ltd (Returns), P.O. Box 36, Bootle, L20 4YD

Please e-mail returns queries to admin@outdoormegastore.co.uk